Memories from the underground
by FlyingPancake27
Summary: Bella Swan is taken away from the hands of his best friend and love of her life by a kidnapper, and is rescued six years at the age of 22. Will Edward be able to bring the pieces back together? This is a love story about redemption. AH/ M for a reason.
1. Chapter 1

**Bella's had a rough start, living far from her family and friends. Will Edward be able to find her and put the pieces back together? This is a story about friendship, hope and redemption. **

**The chapters won't be too long and I'll try to update as soon as possible. **

**Warning- lost of explicit content, dark themes and sexual abuse.**

**This is my first fanfic ever. Please be honest and let me know if I should keep writing or if this first chapter caught your attention. **

**~ Chapter 1 – Raw Chocolate ~**

Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. It is the general feeling that some desire will be fulfilled. I can't feel any of that, I'm like an empty shell, forgotten by the ones I once thought were my life.

The waves break on the boulders right next to the deck. I sit and watch them as they come and go like the rhythm of a song only they know. The light breeze soothes my soul and takes away the pain. As long as I'm sitting here, I know that nothing can destroy me. No one can hurt me more than I've hurt myself. I'm safe.

I hate the pain but I can't live without it. I don't want it to go away; it's the only reminder I have that the past was real, and that I am who I am, that I survived. The scars on my body are almost invisible with the light of the sun; they have faded but not disappeared.

"Ugh, fuck!" I murmur when I see some kids playing with their parents by the sea shore. _Why can't they leave me the fuck alone?_

It's been three weeks since I was rescued from hell. I close my eyes and lie on the sand, trying my best not to look back, but failing miserably.

Images of the fateful day when my life started and ended filled my mind.

=o-o=

Ordinary - that was my life in a nutshell. I lived in a small town in Texas called Surf Side Beach – population; seven-hundred and sixty-three people, more or less. My family and I had moved to this town when I was three years old and I called home.

It was nice, and I had never complained; it was always sunny and everyone knew each other. My dad, Charlie, was the chief of police and a highly respected man; my mom, Renee, was a housewife. My brother, Jacob, had been thirteen years older than me; he was in the army and left for Iraq after September 11th.

We were a normal American middle- class family and nothing out of the ordinary ever happened to us- except for Jacob. He was my father's pride and joy, the family's jewel. I missed my brother; he was my rock, my best friend, and my playmate. He liked to sit with me and play dolls, even though he made me promise not to tell anyone, and we would play with mud and go the beach to make sand castles.

I think I became an adult the day he left. I had known that letting him go meant never seeing him again. I was right.

Things were different after he left. I didn't feel my age anymore; it was as if I had been forced to grow up overnight. I couldn't relate to kids my own age. I couldn't act like a six-year-old in my own house. My mom didn't like to see me cry, and I had to be the one to take care of my parents, to make them smile, to make them want more in life. Because f that I never cried; I helped my dad around the house and tried not to bother my mom with anything.

I became a loner. I would wake up, go to school, do my homework and go to sleep. On Saturdays, I would go to Mrs. Denali's shack to make necklaces with shells, it made me happy. I liked to play with her daughters, Kate and Irina, who were much older than me. The day that Mrs. Denali passed away, I was devastated. The rest of the family moved out of state and I was left alone, again.

That was my life. Basically, we were boring. No, scratch that, _my_ life was boring. I didn't have friends; I was a shy, pale, skinny and plain six-year-old that hid in the school's library and stilled chatted to an imaginary Jacob.

My dad was always pushing me to act more like a kid. I didn't like to play alone, and I didn't feel comfortable talking to my dolls or running around with an imaginary friend. The other kids at school made fun of me; they called me names and left me alone at the lunch table every day. I had a few classmates I liked to talk to every once in a while, but even they didn't understand me and we didn't have much in common.

My mom had become a very bitter person after my brother left. She was constantly arguing with my dad and punishing me for everything. She took everything out on me. My dad, on the other hand, was proud of his son's sacrifice. He had become a wonderful father to me, completely dedicated to my well-being, showing me one way or another how much he cared and loved me. He was awesome.

Despite his best efforts at always having a smile on his face, I could see the sadness and horrible pain in his eyes. I think that is what my mom despised the most. She wanted him to be fucking miserable too.

I swallowed the pain of watching them fighting all the time, and my mom ignoring me like I wasn't her child, and went to school without another word. I would always walk alone. Surf Side Beach wasn't a dangerous place, after all, it was full of old retired people and fishermen.

One day, after school, I was walking home and saw a moving truck pull up across the street from my house. The property had been on sale for the last year, and it was a big shock to see someone actually moving in. It was a big, classic beach house-light yellow with white fences, Victorian-style, facing the ocean, with a big front yard. It was beautiful.

Our house was a small beach-side cottage that looked like a modern surfer's shack. It stood on wooden poles high enough for the rainy season. All the houses in our neighborhood looked the same except the one across the street. I hid behind a car to see if I could catch a glimpse of out new neighbors.

I don't know why I was expecting them to look like aliens or maybe a family of old, wrinkled people, but I was definitely not ready for what I saw.

There were two kids carrying boxes into the house, one boy and a girl. Their mom was calling them from inside the house; I heard the names "Alice" and "Emmett." They all went inside and the movers started to unload all the furniture and many boxes from the truck. The house looked like a circus-there were at least six people helping them with their things.

I walked straight to my house and ran up the stairs to my room. My mom wasn't home, again. She had been leaving the house all day to meet with God knows who. I spent that afternoon watching the family across the street work on their new house. Despite the hard work and the mess, I couldn't stop myself from wondering why they all looked so happy. The mom was all smiles and the father was always kissing the top of the kid's heads.

They were a loving family and I yearned for that. Even though my dad was a good father, my family was a mess. Ever since my brother left, everything went downhill. By sundown, they had all gone inside and the show was over.

My stomach was growling and I remembered that I hadn't eaten since school. I went downstairs and made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and ate a chocolate granola bar with milk.

I went to sleep and all I could think about was that maybe, just by chance, this family would befriend me. I had to admit to myself that I needed a friend more than anyone. I needed a distraction; I wanted to be normal.

On Saturdays, I liked to sit on the sand and make sand castles; it made me happy because it was something I used to do with Jake. I missed him, but never cried over the huge hole he had left in my chest. I still talked to him at night; I told him all my secrets. I liked to speak to him when I played in the sand – it was like he was with me, like he never left.

I was just finishing up the castle when a very cheerful voice startled me.

"Wow! Did you do that?" the melodic voice asked me.

I looked up and saw the girl from across the street. She was smiling from ear to ear, with her white, toothy smile and big, blue eyes. I stood up and nodded, smiling back. It had been so long since I had any type of interaction with someone my own height. She introduced herself as Alice Cullen, extended her hand to me and I took it.

"So, did the cat eat your tongue? What's your name, stranger?" she asked; she was an extroverted little thing.

"Bella Swan, as in Isabella, but just call me Bella because I don't like my full name," I rambled.

"Okay, Bellaaa, we are going to be best friends!" she said, cheerfully.

Alice had a way with people; she wasn't afraid to be herself, nothing seemed to scare her, she was fearless and she knew how to have fun. Alice was a very pretty girl, with long, black hair and skin almost as pale as mine, but she reminded me of a fairy, or a cartoon character.

She introduced me to her two brothers. Emmett was nine years old; he looked a lot like Alice, with his black hair and blue eyes. He was tall and intimidating. Then there was Alice's other brother, Edward. He was seven years old, skinny, had tiny freckles, and he had green eyes and copper hair. He had a dazzling smile and like me, he was shy. Yes, he was beautiful, in a cute kind of way. They were all very good looking kids, like they belonged to a Gap catalog or something like that. Life wasn't fair.

Edward Cullen stole my heart that day at the beach. He didn't say much but his smile spoke a million words. I watched him play in the water with his brother; he was good on a surfboard. Their father, Carlisle, as they introduced him to me, was also playing with all looked very funny chasing the waves. Alice and I built another castle, and then she brought popsicles from her house.

"Who is Jake? I heard you talking to a Jake," she asked after we finished our treats. The question caught me off guard. I had never told anyone about my brother. Everyone at school knew that he had left to fight for our country but no one had ever asked me anything about him.

"My brother," I murmured, digging a hole in the sand to bury the Popsicle stick.

Alice didn't say anything for what seemed like minutes. I even thought she had dropped the subject until she stood up and reached her hand out for me to hold it.

"Where is your brother?" she asked.

"He passed away," I said, hiding the sadness in my voice. I heard Alice gasp and instantly she wrapped me in a tight embrace, rubbing my back like a mom would.

That day, Alice and I became best friends, just like she had predicted.

The next months were out of this world; I hadn't smiled and laughed so much in a very long time. The Cullens invited me to their house almost every day. Their mom, Esme, was a lovely woman. She baked the most delicious gingerbread cookies, and she always took Alice and me with her to the ice cream shop. I wanted her to be my mom- she was everything my mom wasn't.

My friendship with the Cullen boys was also growing by the minute. Emmett introduced me to video games, and Edward introduced me to the world of astrology. That boy was very fond of the mysteries of the universe. He knew the name of all the stars by heart, every constellation and every galaxy.

Edward had a huge telescope in his room and one night, after watching a movie at their house, he asked me if I wanted to see something really cool. He held my hand, took me to his room, and showed me his big treasure. The telescope was impressive and when I peeped in the hole and saw the bright stars shining so close, it was beautiful. He explained to me that if I knew how to locate the constellations, I would never get lost. That night I discovered that Edward was by far the smartest kid I had ever known.

On my seventh birthday, my dad threw me a birthday party in the basement. We called it the basement because it was right below the house, but it was just an open space. There were tiki torches and twinkle lights hanging from the bar stools, beach hammocks and a big table with a huge purple cake. Alice had our poor stereo at full volume with her music. A few kids from school showed up; Angela, Ben, Victoria and Jasper. Emmett and Edward were there, of course.

We played hide and seek, pin the tail on the donkey and later at night, Ben, the oldest kid suggested we play spin the bottle. My dad had left upstairs to be with my mom, and would only check on us every twenty or thirty minutes. Did I mention I had the most responsible parents ever?

When it was my turn to kiss someone, and that someone was Jasper, I shrieked in embarrassment and backed out. Everyone booed at me for being such a baby. Jasper stood up and knelt in front of me, and just when he was close enough to kiss me, I turned my head and heard a loud thud.

When I opened my eyes, I found Edward on top of Jasper punching and hitting the crap out of him. I didn't know what to do or say, I didn't know what to think. My seven-year-old brain couldn't make out what was happening, so I just ran off and hid in the closet. I felt like a coward. Edward was fighting with poor Jasper because he tried to kiss me when I obviously didn't want to kiss him back.

Several minutes passed and the noise of the commotion ceased. The door opened and I gasped.

"There you are, baby Swan; everyone is waiting for you to open the presents," Edward said, smiling in relief. Baby Swan was his pet name for me. I noticed that his left eye was purple from the fight. I apologized for it and suddenly felt guilty for his purple eye.

"I'm sorry. I just don't like fights," I said, tears forming in my eyes. I hated to cry in front of people.

Edward reached for my hand, and pulled me out of the closet, and then with his other hand he brushed away a tear and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I just didn't want him to kiss you," he said, staring at me with those big green eyes. Alice came bouncing in at that moment, interrupting our conversation, and dragged me out to face the guests.

Edward had admitted to my face that he didn't want anyone to kiss me. That must have meant something, right?

He had been acting all charming around me, always holding my hand whenever he had the chance, bringing me ice cream and sharing his surfboard with me. He was a great friend - a very cute, awesome friend. I liked spending time with him more than I admitted to myself.

I liked to sit next to him on the couch to watch movies. I loved the way he smelled, and the way his hair was always a mess. We liked to ride our bikes on Sundays and chase the seagulls on the boardwalk. He came to my house and helped me with my homework so I could then play with Alice, Emmett and him.

When Edward said he didn't want anyone to kiss me, I felt my stomach do flips and my toes curl, I was beyond excited. The feeling was so foreign to me - I was just a little kid, but my heart was big enough to be captivated by Edward.

That night, after everyone left, I went to the Cullens house for a pajama party. The gifts I received were all very nice, Alice gave me a personalized teddy bear with a sky blue outfit and flip flops, Emmett gave me a new set of beach toys for my sand castles, and Edward gave a book of constellations. It was by far my favorite present.

That night, after everyone left, I said goodbye to my parents and left with Alice to go to her house for a pajama party. It was the first slumber party of my life. I was beyond excited, especially because I wanted to spend more time with Edward.

"Swan, come here. I have your birthday present," Edward called from his room.

"You already gave me a birthday present, Edward," I said, rolling my eyes playfully.

"I know that, silly girl. I just want to show you something," he pointed out.

I jumped with excitement, and ran upstairs to find him against the wall playing with a silver box with a pink bow on it.

"What is it, Eddie?" My voice broke the silence and he looked up at me, smiling his big toothy grin.

I crossed the room deliberately slowly, feeling shy all of a sudden around him. I really liked him; he had become my best friend. I trusted him, and sometimes, before falling asleep, I would imagine us together as grownups - holding hands and kissing, walking down the aisle, and even having a baby with him. I even named our babies Erin and Adam. Yes, I was a precocious seven-year-old, sue me!

"I,umm, have something else for you, Bella," he said with his velvet voice, bringing me back to the present. Looking down at the small box, he handed it to me with a shaking hand.

I narrowed my eyes at him and took the box, eyeing him playfully. I tore off the pink satin bow and opened the box. There, laid the most beautiful, elegant and sparkling silver necklace with a star pendant. It was shiny and just perfect. I looked up at Edward and he was a nervous wreck. When he saw me smile, he let go of all the air he was holding in his lungs.

"Do you like it?" he asked, concerned.

"Oh my God, Edward, this is so pretty!" I said enthusiastically; I was more than happy.

I adored the necklace; it was not too flashy, and it represented so much more because _he_ had given it to me.

He took the necklace, and asked me to turn around so he could fasten it. I let my hair down after he finished and turned to face him. He was so happy. His eyes were wide open and the moonlight coming from the window made them look like deep emerald lagoons.

"Thank you, Edward," I said and gave him a hug. He was taller than me and I wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed him tight.

"You are my favorite star, Bella," he said in my ear, and tears began streaming from my eyes. I wiped them away quickly; I didn't want him to see me cry again.

"Look, Bella! A shooting star!" he called joyfully, letting go of me. He turned us around to his window, and we both stared at the sky that was giving us the most precious gift. Like a shooting star parade, the dark sky was illuminated by a shower of flashing lights. I had never seen anything like that before, not even in the movies.

"Bella, make a wish," Edward said, holding me tight with his arm around my shoulder.

"Ugh, stupid shooting stars won't make my dreams come true, Edward," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Don't you roll your pretty eyes at me, Baby Swan. You are so stubborn! Just close your eyes and make a wish," he ordered. _What a dork_, I thought to myself. I closed my eyes and made my wish. Before I could open my eyes, I felt something soft and tender like silk touch my lips. It was warm and it felt like heaven.

Edward was kissing me and when I realized I was being kissed by the cutest boy I knew, I melted. My heart literally did a double jump. It felt like it was melting like a puddle of goo inside my chest. It was an innocent kiss, sweet and gentle, but it was perfect.

"Wow, that was fast," I murmured to myself, but obviously he heard me.

"What? The kiss? It was my first kiss, and I'm sorry if it was bad, but please don't hate me, because I really liked it and—"He started to ramble, so I put my finger to his lips to shut him up.

"Not the kiss, silly, the wish. I guess shooting stars aren't stupid after all," I said, staring sweetly at his eyes.

He chuckled and ruffled my hair playfully.

"And it was my first kiss too… it was perfect, thank you," I said shyly.

After that night, Edward and I became inseparable - more than we already were. We played on the beach almost every day after school. We watched movies together, studied together, and spent recess playing on the jungle gym or on the swings. He held my hand on the beach and gave me sweet pecks on the lips when nobody was watching. We didn't want our parents to freak out over their precocious kids. He sent me love letters at school and gave me flowers. It was all so perfect and romantic.

Edward was always taking care of me, making sure that I was okay, always telling me how much he liked me, and whispering sweet nothings in my ear. "You smell like an angel, Bella," or "You look so pretty in that dress," he would say all the time. It made me feel so special and pretty.

I didn't know what he saw in me; I wasn't a very pretty girl and I knew it. I had brown wavy hair and brown eyes, my skin was pale as a ghost, and being invisible came easy to me. Somehow he made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. He called me his star, his princess, and more recently…his life. _How could an eight year old be so romantic? _It was just Edward - he was different, he was special.

Yes, my life was perfect. I was a happy child and I was surrounded by wonderful people. Years passed and we all started growing up together like one big happy family. Esme and Carlisle loved me like a daughter, and my friends were always there for me.

My dad kept showing his love toward me more and more every day, andhe was happy to see me happy. My mom was always absent; she was always busy with one thing or another, and when she was home, she would hide in her bedroom and sulk. I decided to just ignore her and live my life.

I was still very young, but I had a very mature attitude. I looked fragile and small on the outside, but on the inside, I was strong and smart. I took care of myself and Edward was always by my side. I learned to fend for myself, had good grades,and knew how to fix lunch and dinner.

Life was good, and I was grateful. I still missed my brother, and it hurt to see my mother act like a stranger, but I knew that as long as I had my dad and my friends, I would be able to live a happy life.

=o-o=

I stretch in the sand and pull on my Ray-Bans. I look back to the beginning and can't help but smile to myself a little. Everything would have been simpler if only I had been wiser.

So much thinking gives me a headache; I stand and rub my temples with my hands. My skin is burning in the sun but I don't care - It feels good to be warm. I thought I had forgotten the feeling of the heat of the sun on my skin, and like déjà vu it all comes flooding back to the surface.

"Motherfuckers," I mutter to the family who are still playing in the water. _Life is not that simple; someday you'll be broken just like me. Just you wait_… I keep telling them, but they can't hear me.

I walk along the deck, holding my shoes in one hand and my journal in the other. My toes sink in the sand and it feels so good. Far away on the horizon, I spot the big yellow house. It's empty, of course. The Cullens moved out several years ago. I can only wonder where Edward is. Like all I had before, he is gone.

I stand up and turn my face away from the happy family before I get sick. Before long, my feet have taken me all the way to the front of the house.

It looks smaller than I remembered. The paint has faded and the fence is broken. I want to peek inside but it hurts too much. I feel that gut-awful pain in the pit of my stomach, and I wrap my arms around my torso to keep myself together.

"Fucking hell! Why?" I complain, kicking the fence and cursing at the house.

The shrink said it was a bad idea to come, but I didn't listen. Now I regret ever coming here. It hurts too much.

I curl myself in that hidden spot, behind the boulder in front of the house, and close my eyes. The sound of the ocean brings me peace. I haven't washed my hair in a week and my face is wet from the tears, sand is sticking to my cheeks, but I ignore it. I don't move. I want to go back to that last moment of happiness and find what I once felt. Love.

**= O-O =**

**Okay, so I know many things are not clear yet, but I promise everything has a purpose in this story. **

**I hope you liked this intro! Any questions or concerns please let me know.**

**Please leave me a REVIEW.**


	2. Chapter 2 Lonely Clover leaf

DS- Stephanie Meyer owns everything, I only own a fluffy puppy who sits with me while I read/write crazy fanfiction.

Chapter 2 - Lonely clover leaf

EPOV

It's 2am and I can't sleep. It has been years and I can't stop the nightmares. It's gotten better, let me tell you, but not without the help of almost every single person in my family and my shrink. That stupid mind fucker helped me to reduce the constant pain. But I still feel it; mostly when I'm in bed and my mind goes to her.

It has been years, I still feel her. I live that last day with her every single night, like it was yesterday. I close my eyes and it's like a movie rolling behind my eyes. The two-faced man dragging her away from me, the electric shock, the ever-growing pain running through my leg, the silence...

I walk to the bathroom to freshen up and stare at the mirror. I find it hard to recognize myself, the dark circles under my eyes are permanently attached and the emptiness in my eyes is a constant reminder of the person I've become.

Today is September 26th and the reason for my existence is still missing. The girl I cherished since the first day I laid eyes on her is either being held captive who-the-fuck knows where or dead.

Sometimes I don't know which one is better. If she is alive, I pray she's ok, that they are not treating her like an animal or like a whore. That's when I think it would be better if she was dead, that way she wouldn't be suffering.

The B word was never spoken by my family since the day everyone gave up searching for her. The only ones who still believe there is hope are her father and myself. But it's hard to utter the word, so we never say her name; it's hard enough to see her picture almost every day in her father's office.

My mom decided to erase that chapter of her life and she's on a mission to find the perfect girl for me. it's her way of dealing with it, but I know it's a lost cause.

My sister Alice stuck with me for the longest time, but ever since Jasper knocked her up at eighteen, she has had to take care of the baby, and now she's not too involved. It's like everyone is forgetting her and all we went through. Like I'm the only one sane left in the circle.

Now it's only me. Charlie Swan disappeared, leaving only a note about two weeks ago. Basically, the only thing he said was "Don't go looking for the pot of gold, the pot of gold will come to you," or some shit like that, and then he was gone. I did notice that he took her picture. That man is crazy, I swear. I respect him, after all, because both his son and daughter were taken away and his wife left him, but sometimes he scares the shit out of me.

He had some crazy ass maps outlined for the big day. He'd spent the last six years searching, trying to glue the pieces together. I know that he thought I didn't know, but I do know that he is hiding something from me, he has a plan.

I've been living the for the last eight days in this tiny apartment about thirty miles from Dallas, TX. the whole family moved to Dallas two years after the fateful day and we created this huge campaign to help the rescue party find her. We went national and even international, but after a few years the police closed the case and basically abandoned us.

I got very tired of all the stupid shit people were telling me, that she was dead, that it was better to just move on with my life. My mom was one of them. My dad just stares at me with so much pity, is disgusting, and Emmett only tries to lighten the mood with jokes and laughter. Big jerk, I can't stand him sometimes. So I bought this apartment, with the idea that I would be left alone.

I would only go to the office with Chief Swan and work the rest from home. I don't have a TV, I don't have a kitchen, and I don't have a bed. I sleep on a mattress. I have some toiletries in the bathroom and two boxes, one with cloths and one with important files and newspapers.

I haven't heard anything from my family, probably because I didn't give them the address and I changed my cell phone number. I don't plan on living like this forever, but I need some time to think and be left the fuck alone for once. I sent them a letter with no return address last night, just in case they are too worried, but they know I'm a big boy now and I know how to take care of myself.

Epic lie. If I knew how to take care of myself, I would've been able to take care of the most precious gift of all, and apparently I wasn't very good at it. So yeah, this is me. I'm always bringing back the past and my failures. I hate myself for what I let happen and for the person I've become.

Deep down I still hope, because I talk to her in my mind all day, and sometimes out loud. I've lost some details, but the memory of her beautiful brown eyes is still burned in my head. I want to believe she watches me, or she feels me somehow; that I haven't given up.

Today would be her twenty-second birthday, it's been six years of hell and I still believe in miracles.

**=0-0=**

I'm just writing this for fun and because I love Edward and Bella. In every world, in every fanfic, they must always find their way back home.

The more you review, the sooner I'll post!

Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3 Bitter Delights

**Hi! I wanted to post this chapter because I wrote it months ago and it's an important piece to this story. I would appreciate if you stick with me, I need your support to keep writing this story.**

**Thanks for the new Twi-ficsters following this story, I loved the reviews and I hope you like this chapter, even though its a little sad...**

**~ Chapter 3 – Bitter Delights ~**

BPOV

I wish I could go back in time.

It's been so long, I can hardly remember _them_. The happy memories have been over-shadowed by the terrible experiences of the past six years.

I don't know where my friends are, I don't know where _he_ is.

My feet take me to the Cullen's house of their own accord, like I'm being dragged against my will. The house is empty and dark. There is a stack of papers on the porch next to the their front door; the papers are sandy and the ink has faded. The picture calls my attention. It's me, and I remember when Edward took the photo.

_Have you seen her?_

_Isabella Swan was abducted_

_from Houston, Texas on 02/13/2003_

_Should you have more information_

_Please contact:_

_1-800-2270101_

Tears start to form in the back of my eyes, and I blink them away. They looked for me, and yet, they moved on. They have all gone. Somehow, it's good to know they tried.

Everyone thought I was dead; of course they would give up.

As I stand on the porch, I wrap my arms around my middle because this doesn't feel right. This place doesn't feel the same. There's no familiarity anymore. It feels alien.

It's getting darker, and the sky is turning orange and pink. It is in these moments that I remember his voice and his touch, the way he looked at me, the heat of his body and the taste of his mouth. Edward and I used to sit and watch the sun set. He would wrap his arms around my middle, and I would lay my head on his shoulder.

It wasn't until my fourteenth birthday that Edward finally asked me to be his official girlfriend. My life with him was perfect until Alice opened her big mouth.

**=0—0=**

I blame the small town we lived in. There was nothing to do but surf and sleep. I didn't dare touch a surfboard, always too scared to try something new. I would sit and watch Emmett and Edward in the waves. Alice and I would play on the seashore or just read a book.

"Bella, have you ever seen a penis?" Alice asked, innocently.

"Never, besides my father's…" I dragged; I didn't think it was a good idea to bring up the subject. Alice's expression turned into one of disgust.

"He dropped the towel when I was like eight. He was mortified; I just laughed."

She always came up with random conversations, so I wasn't surprised to find her wanting to talk about body parts and awkward situations.

"Why, have you seen one?" I asked, curiosity now winning over.

Alice nodded.

"What? Whose?"

"Jasper Whitlock. He asked me if I had ever seen one, and when I said no, he took his junk out of his boxers and showed me. He also asked me to touch it, but I got scared."

"Holy crap, Alice! When and where did this happen?"

"Last week, he came over to help me with my math homework. You were too busy sucking face with my brother, so I called him," she said, smiling.

It was too obvious she was happy. She was acting all weird, like she had discovered that Santa Claus was real.

"You should ask Edward to show you his."

"I don't think I should be talking to you about Edward's penis; you are his sister, it's disturbing," I said, almost choking with my own saliva.

She shrugged and went back to her book.

I became intrigued with the idea of seeing Edward like that after that day. Alice planted that seed in my brain, and now all I could think about was his penis.

"Dick, Bella, call it dick. Penis sounds like we are in science class!" Alice said, exasperated.

Okay, _dick._

**=0—0=**

It was my birthday, and, as requested, I wasn't having big fuzz.

My dad had been called in the station and my mom no longer lived with us. Edward had promised to spend the day with me, that's all I wanted for my birthday.

We were lying in the sand staring at the stars in the sky. Well, I was staring at the sky, and he was looking at me. I had learned all about the constellations with Edward in the past few years.

"Do I have something on my face, Edward?" I asked him, turning my head to meet his green eyes. Edward had grown up to become one of the hottest guys in town; he wasn't that skinny anymore, and his face was perfection.

"You are so beautiful, Bella. I want you to be my girlfriend."

"I thought I was your girlfriend since I was seven," I chuckled.

"I just want to make sure, baby. I don't want to be with anyone else, and I don't want you to be with another guy," he said.

In that moment, something in me snapped, like a turning point. The sincerity in his voice was all I needed to confirm it. I knew deep within me that we were meant to be; but in that second, I understood that I didn't want to be without him ever, that I was his forever.

Edward was my oasis, my rock. He had been there for me throughout every moment of my life, good or bad. He held me when my mom left my dad and me. I was only ten when she decided to move away with a man she met in the city. I was devastated, but Edward took me in his arms and promised me I was going to be okay.

I might had been young and naive, but everything felt right with him. I loved him.

"I love you, Bella. More than my own life," he said, leaning close to kiss me on the lips. His lips were soft and sweet, and fit perfectly with mine.

"I love you too, more than you'll ever know," I said, kissing him back with all my heart.

He took me back to my house later that night. I led him to my room and we snuggled in bed for a few minutes. We were silent because we didn't need words to express how we felt.

Alice's words came back to me, and, before I could stop myself, I asked him the question.

"Edward? Do you, umm, mind… showing me your…umm…d-dick?" I stuttered.

Edward let go of me, and, before I knew it, he was standing at the foot of my bed, nervous as hell, shaking and staring at me like I just killed his puppy.

"You want me to what?" he asked in disbelief.

"I want to see your dick, please," I begged. I was amazed at how my voice even came out in a serious tone.

"Bella, baby, I... don't know if that's such a good idea," he said, dropping his eyes to the floor.

"We're not babies anymore, Edward. I've never seen one, and I thought that since you're my boyfriend that, well… "I stopped talking because I was making a fool out of myself.

Obviously, it had been a bad idea. Edward and I had never talked about sex or anything like that. He liked to say "one day when I marry you and we have lots of babies…" but he never addressed the subject; almost as if he was avoiding that topic.

"Never mind." I said, rolling over and wrapping my arms around my torso, facing the wall.

I heard his footsteps come closer until I felt his hands on my shoulders. He lay next to me and whispered in my ear.

"Sweetie, don't be like that. I'm sorry I went all crazy, but I wasn't expecting you to ask me that."

He was quiet for a moment, I guess he was trying to come up with something to make me feel better.

"No pressure, Edward. I just wanted to see one in real life. The ones in the science books don't count." I closed my eyes in indignation. "Let's make a deal. You show me yours, and I'll show you mine," I said, turning my body towards his. He stared at me open-mouthed and gulped loudly.

"You mean you'll show me your, umm… you-"

"My pussy, yes. I'll show you. Edward, we love each other, so I don't see why we can't. There's no one else I'd ask." He stared at me, obviously trying to come up with some way out. I kept pleading with my eyes until he slumped down on the bed next to me and wrapped his arms around me.

"Okay, Bella. I'll show you," he said, serious.

We were facing each other in the bed, our noses inches apart. Edward started fidgeting with his belt buckle and zipper. I was sweating; it was really happening. His beautiful face looked tense, but he radiated confidence. It wasn't like we were going to have sex, I just wanted to know his body, and, in exchange, I wanted him to know mine.

"Okay, you can look now," he said, smiling his trademark crooked smile.

Was I ready to see him like that? Would that make me any different? I kept asking myself those questions, but, when the moment came, I knew this simple innocent act would change the course of our lives. We would no longer be innocent, Edward and Bella, the lovesick baby couple. We would be the real deal.

I looked down and my eyes met his dick, poking through the gap of his boxers, standing at full attention. The first thing I noticed was how big it was. I gasped in amazement. My legs pressed together of their own accord, trying to create some friction in my center. I could feel the wetness dampening my panties and a building desire in the pit of my stomach. Edward started putting it back inside, but I held his hand.

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"You saw it, now show's over!" he said, still smiling. His face was all red. He had blushed.

"Wait, not yet. Is it always that big?"

"No, but it's become a constant whenever I'm with you."

"Can I touch it?"

"Bella, if you touch it, I won't be able to control myself. There's no going back if you do."

"Will you ever let me touch you?"

"Absolutely. Now, it's your turn."

He tucked himself inside and sat Indian style. I sat against the headboard. I was only wearing my old Fitch cotton shorts, so I just moved them aside in the crotch to reveal my sex.

I was so wet, I felt embarrassed at first. I was completely exposed, showing _my_ Edward the most intimate part of my body, but it was only fair after what he had done.

"So beautiful," he said to himself, but the room was so silent I was able to hear.

"It's so not, Edward. A vagina is not beautiful," I said.

"Yours is very, very beautiful," he said, never moving his eyes away.

**=0—0=**

Edward and I continued with our relationship as if nothing had ever happened. He never asked me to flash him again or anything like that, but we did get more physical after that night. I could feel him through his pants whenever we were making out, and I'm pretty sure he felt the heat radiating from my center whenever I was grinding on top of him.

Things became more heated and less innocent after that day, but I never pushed him further.

We were a normal teenage couple, we were in love, but more than that, we were both a hundred percent sure that we were meant to be together forever. He was made for me, and nothing would ever be able to tear us apart.

**=0—0=**

I watch the sun go down and let out a sigh. If only I could go back in time and change it.

I leave the house without a glance back and walk. I hate this place, but it's the only place I know how to call home, although it doesn't feel like it anymore.

The house is mine to do whatever I want with it now. It hasn't aged a lot since I last saw it. This was my old house, where I grew up- the old shack. I touch the wooden rails and smell the familiar scent of the breeze and the sand. Tears try to make an escape again, but, this time I fight them harder.

I climb the stairs to my old room; everything looks the same, even clean. My old purple bed spread, the purple curtains, my clothes, seashell necklaces, my pictures…

I don't want to look at them.

I even want to burn them, but it hurts too much. I fall to my knees and concentrate on breathing. In and out, in and out… it's no time to have a panic attack.

_Stupid pictures._

_I wish he could find me. He knows where to find me._

I try to think of what would happen if he did find me. Would I be able to accept him again? What if he already found someone else? No… I can't think about those things right now. I wouldn't be able to bear to see him with someone else.

But, he doesn't deserve me; he deserves someone better, someone clean and pure.

I'm a whore. That was my job for the last six years. I was a vain, filthy whore. That entitles me to be the worst girlfriend ever to a good man like Edward.

I crawl to my bed and cry away the pain, finally settling into a deep, dreamless sleep.

**==00==00==**

**I love reviews!**

**Reviews are just as perfect as laying on the sand with Edward ^^**

**Any speculations for what's to come?**

**let me know :D**


	4. Chapter 4 Last night

**I'm back! And I know most of you had forgotten about this story and I'm sorry I left for like 7 months! Happens I started a business, and now I'm the proud owner of a doggie bakery and thanks to it I was not able to write anything. **

**I'll be posting more often now that I'm back on track and I hope you enjoy this journey I've put Bella and Edward in. **

**Stephanie owns everything Twilight.**

**February 12th 2005**

EPOV

Convincing chief Swan to let his only daughter go on a mini vacation with her boyfriend was one of my biggest achievements. My family and I were going to Houston for the weekend to visit my grandma, but since Valentines day was just around the corner, I made the impossible to persuade Charlie into letting Bella come with us.

The man was a tough one. Charlie was very protective of his little Bella, but she wasn't so little anymore. She was sixteen years old, and a very beautiful, sexy, sixteen year old if i may be honest.

Bella didn't know the effect she had on me. Ever since the day I saw her all vulnerable in her bed, exposed to my eyes. That day made me see her in a whole different way. She was not the little girl I once met in the beach, face dirty with sand and freckles in her pretty face. Bella was my muse, my safe haven, my true love.

I took it upon me to take care of her after her mom left her and Charlie to fend for themselves. Not that she needed me for that, but I liked to be the one she would go to whenever she was feeling down.

So now we were getting ready to go to Houston, Alice was taking her boyfriend Jasper and Emmett was spending the weekend with some blond he met in a restaurant.

Bella and I hadn't done anything besides heavy petting, just a little groping here and there but nothing without clothes. I respected her and to be honest, I was a little scared of her dad and his guns; but I had a feeling this weekend would change everything. I felt we were in a different stage in our relationship, and the way Bella looked and moved around me told me she felt the same. No words were needed.

I packed a box of condoms, per Jasper's request and hid them at the bottom of my bag.

**=0—0= **

BPOV

Edward and I were going to be alone in Houston, on Valentine's Day. Well, technically not, because his parents were coming, but they would be too busy with their family that they would just forget about us.

I hope.

It had taken about a hundred pleas and puppy eyes to convince my dad, but finally he relented. I was taking a bunch of clothes, dresses and my camera, just in case. Edward picked me up at exactly 7:00am, holding two cups of coffee.

"Ready for the perfect weekend?" he asked, with a wide smile on his face.

"As ready as I'll ever be," I said, wrapping my arms around his torso.

We got to Houston at noon. Carlisle and Esme Cullen took us straight to the hotel to get changed and ready to visit their family. I was going to be sharing a room with Alice, who had packed double the luggage than me. Edward and Jasper were in the room across from ours.

I was both excited and nervous for this weekend. It would be our first Valentine's Day outside of our hometown and somehow it felt different. We were both older and the chemistry between us had only grown more within the years.

That night, Edward kissed me goodnight for what felt like hours against the hallway wall. It was past eleven and his parents were asleep, and being the teenagers that we were, we took full advantage of it.

"I want you so much B," he whispered against my neck, and fuck if I wanted him just as bad, but tonight wasn't the right time. Not with his parents within ten feet radius and his sister sleeping just a wall away.

"I want you too, my horny, super-hot boyfriend, but not tonight. I'll see you in the morning." I palmed his very prominent erection through his jeans and pecked his lips one more time for good measure.

"You are evil, woman." he smirked, releasing me from his strong arms.

I slept like a baby that night.

**February 13th 2005**

BPOV

"Jasper and I are celebrating Valentine's Day early, he is taking me to the club tonight and then to a hotel for a romantic night." Alice Cullen was an angel to her parents eyes, but in reality, she was trouble.

"Oh no, missy. I'm not covering for you this time. Edward and I are supposed to have fun and relax this weekend. Your mom will kill you if she finds out you're not coming back to this hotel, to our room," I said, shaking my head.

"Please B, just make her think I'm in the room with you and I'll be back in the morning in time for breakfast," she pleaded.

Damn pixie. She had magical powers beyond my comprehension.

"Fine, but if she finds out, you are not to blame me, Alice Marie Cullen."

Edward took me to the club too, it was a big club for underage kids like us who had nowhere else to go on a Friday night. The dance floor was packed with hundreds of hot sweaty bodies grinding to the beat of the music. To be honest, I felt a little out of place, but everyone was having fun so I put on a smile on my face and did my best to look like I was having a good time.

Alice dragged me to the dance floor when Britney's new hit blasted the room, and I found myself enjoying her company in the middle of the dance floor. I wasn't a good dancer, but the energy around me was enough to make me lose myself in the music.

"Ew, Bella, don't freak out, but this guy was watching you from that corner in a very creepy "slash" stalkerish way." Alice pointed a finger to the corner, but nobody was there.

"How do you know he was looking at me?" I asked, somehow not giving a damn about this creepy dude.

"Because, he was staring at your ass and then directly at your face, you were too much into the song to notice."

By the end of the night, Edward and I left to the hotel to cover for Alice and Jasper. His parents weren't there yet, so Edward called them to let them know we were back and going to sleep in. Epic lie.

Worst idea ever. That night changed our lives.

Next chapters are going to be shorter, and I'll be posting more often.

Let me know what you think!

Love, Mel


	5. Chapter 5 Memories  part 1

**A little bit of Bella's background. Hope this answers a lot of your questions.**

**Enjoy!**

**SM owns Twilight. I own a doggie bakery and it makes me happy!**

**Chapter 5 – Memory from the underground – Part 1**

They dragged me, pushed me inside a car, gagged me with a piece of fabric and then took me away. Three men were in the car, two which were seated on either side of me. One had dark brown hair, one had black short hair and the other had blonde hair. The car reeked of sweat, metal and dirt. My limbs hurt from trashing like a maniac before, my head was spinning, and it got blurry and dark. I was crying. One of the guys got tired of hearing me cry, so he pushed a needle in my arm. I don't remember much after that.

His name was James, the headmaster, and he owned a mansion somewhere in the east coast. He was old, like my dad's age, and had a permanent evil smile in his face. I met him that night, in a garage; I screamed and tried to pry myself from the hands of both men holding me. They put me to sleep again.

I woke in a tiny room with red and black walls. There was a dresser, a mirror, a bed and a toilet. My clothes were nowhere to be seen. I was freezing, wearing only my underwear.

I don't remember how it all happened. I can remember Edward, screaming, grasping my hand, then someone kicked him and I was pushed inside a car. We were a block away from the hotel, but still nobody came to help us. It happened too fast.

I was told that they would let me go free one day if I was a good girl. Being a good girl to them meant making them happy. There was only one thing that made them happy. I knew they were sick men, waking up half naked was enough to prove that.

I was not allowed to talk; I was not allowed to see anyone in the eye only when spoken directly to me. I was never told where I was, but I could hear the waves of the ocean from the tiny windows in my cell.

I learned that the hard way, too many times I tried to run away. I screamed for help, I snuck around the basement, to no avail.

The second time I tried to run off a man named Felix made me touch him. He forced me to feel his disgusting cock through his pants. I felt dirty.

"Next time I'll make you suck me, little darling," he whispered to my ear.

I stayed in my cell one more week, crying, praying, but I was alone and nobody came to rescue me.

I tried to run again, but Felix found me again. He was drunk and angry.

"Don't please!" I begged, falling on my knees.

Let's just say he took advantage of the situation. I sucked him and he came in my face. After that I think I stopped crying. I was drained of all dignity left in me.

Two months later I was moved to a bigger room. Felix and Alec, his brother, moved me in with two other girls. Brianna, she had been kidnapped when she was fifteen, she barely talked; and Gianna was only thirteen when she was taken away from her family. James was a sick fuck. I learned that he had lost a daughter many years ago, and became obsessed.

He began to kidnap young girls, lock them and abuse them. Yet, he had never laid a finger on me. He never visited the basement were I was locked in. I didn't have interaction with anyone, I was broken and there were no need for words. Except at night, Brianna, Gianna and I would talk. Not a lot, but enough to make us feel less lonely.

They fed us three times a day, bread, vegetables and soup. They gave us pills, for headaches, and candy for the nausea.

One day, Gianna stopped eating, and soon she stopped talking. Felix took her upstairs to James and she never came back.

=o=

**Told you I'd be posting more often!**

**Please let me know what you think, review **

**Love, Mel**


	6. Chapter 6 Memories part 2

**So, this chapter is very sad, and it involves strong sexual abuse.**

**Now I promise a happy ending, but you'll have to bear with me.**

**=o=**

**Chapter 6 – Memories from the Underground – Part 2**

"No, Alec! Please no!" I sobbed, but I knew I was trapped. James was watching from the door, sick smile plastered on his face, brows furrowed together. I was tied to the bed, in my underwear again, pleading with my eyes for mercy.

It had only made things worse. James liked to enjoy a good show.

Alec had been warning me about this day, but did I have a choice? No, I never had a choice. I was a puppet. I still had some faith that I would be rescued, or that I would wake up from this nightmare, but instead I was hopeless, tied to a bed awaiting what would be the worst day of my life.

It was June 2005, and things changed so much from the first day I was brought to this hell. Gianna never came back, and I can only assume she no longer is the mansion. Brianna and I teamed up and decided to stick together. James started to show up more often, only to watch us do favors to either Felix or Alec. They made me suck them at least once a week. It had become a routine; I disconnected my brain and went on autopilot. At night I would cry myself to sleep and think of Edward. My safe haven. How was he? Were they looking for me? And my dad, he must be a mess. I cried in silence, until my head felt too heavy.

Apparently it only got worse. _I'm so sorry Edward_, I thought to myself before Alec lowered my panties. _I love you Edward,_ I mouthed before I felt the tip entered me. _Please forgive me my love_, I repeated over and over again in my head, I closed my eyes and willed my tears to stop until I felt a sharp pain break through. I gasped for air, it hurt too much. Alec wasn't gentle, he was a sadist. I tried to hide in my happy place, think of Edward, his touch, his kisses, his words, but it hurt too much. _Please Edward, come to me_, was the last thing in my mind before it all faded away.

=o=

I'll be seventeen tomorrow, I've been keeping track of the days. I think I'm going crazy.

Brianna heard that our friend Gianna was killed because she refused to perform in front of James. Yes, we became James whores. He brings different men, sometimes is only Felix or Alec, but lately he also brings new guys. Customers if I may say so. He keeps us locked downstairs and only comes to get is when he has a customer. In exchange, we have our own maid. A tiny Asian woman who is also a slave comes every morning and gives us anything we want. She brings us new lingerie, hair products, expensive lotions and perfumes. We know that if we want to live, we have to behave. If I want to see Edward someday I have to obey what James says. Since the day I was raped, I became a human shell. Now I don't give a fuck. If they want me to fuck in public I'll do it. If they want me to put on a show, I'll do it, no complaints. I'm a whore, that's what I've become. I'm doing this because otherwise they will kill me. Also because I still hope I'll see Edward and my dad, and my friends again. I miss them.

Brianna learned to cope with it too. Now if someone sees her, they would think she even likes it. She's good at acting like nothing's wrong. We put on a brave face during night, when we are put to work, then when we go to bed to rest, we cry, we let go, I hold her sometimes to my chest while she sobs. I wonder what I ever did to deserve this, what she ever did to be here. I always come out blank.

=o=

**I told you this chapter was a bit too ugly. Did you know that many teenagers are kidnapped in the USA every year for prostitution and slavery? Its sick and it breaks my heart.**

**Next chapter is an ugly one too, but them we move to better topics, I promise :D**

**Leave me some love… or hate, I just want to know what you think so far. **

**(sorry for the grammar, I wrote this on a hurry and I don't have a beta)**

**Sooo, who's sad that the Patriots lost?**


	7. Chapter 7 Visitor

**So I see there was a lot of crazy reactions to the last chapter. I know, it was rough to write too, I'm sorry.**

**Let me just clarify something; the Edward chapters are before Bella was rescued. But soon both POV will catch up to each other. This chapter will solve many questions. Hope is not too confusing. **

**SM own Twilight, lucky girl…**

=0=

We were happy. A happy normal teenage couple. I look back to all the times she came to me when she was scared, when she was sad, when she felt out of place. The way she fit perfectly to my body, how she felt in my arms, her perfume, her hair, her smile. God, she really was the perfect woman. Is, she is the perfect woman.

I know you are out there, angel. You were always so strong and full of life.

I want to see her, and tell her that I never gave up, that I never loved anyone else. I want to show her that I love her, kiss her and protect her.

Charlie has been gone for two weeks now; he called me one night and left a voicemail. He said he found a clue and then hung up. And now I have to worry about the old man too. Awesome.

I lock myself in my room. If I died right now, nobody would find me. My family doesn't know where I live; they don't even have my cellphone number. I don't have a landline. I shut myself from the outside world and cry, like I always do after going through memory lane.

It's been six years of misery and torture. I think I'm going crazy. I have nightmares, I don't eat like I should, I can't talk to strangers without becoming bitterer, I don't laugh, I hate the world.

My family knows that I need to be alone; they respect my privacy and don't ask too many questions. They tried but after a few years they understood that I would never be the same, because I'm broken and none of them can fix me.

=0=

I've been locked in my room for two days. My phone died like twenty hours ago but I don't give a shit. I only sleep and drink. I used to hate alcohol, but now it's my only companion. I also read the books she gave me once for my birthday. Books about the stars and the outer space. I love that she never got bored of me talking about that kind of stuff. She supported me.

I drink some more and fall into a deep and unpleasant sleep.

=0=

This is bad, this is too bad. This is terrible!

I think I slept fifteen hours straight. Its dark outside and my back is killing me. There is a knock on my door and I groan as I try to stand up straight. Damn, my head is killing me.

"Mr. Cullen?" the man out my door asks, holding a big envelope in his hand.

"Uh, yeah, how did you find me?"

"It wasn't easy, but after checking chief Swan's office we finally got the address," he said.

"Wait a second! What were you doing at his office? What the hell is wrong with you? And where is Charlie?" how dare him go and snoop around in his office, our office! Didn't he know that we had years of investigation in there?

The mystery man finally spoke and that's when my whole world collapsed and rose to the hope I had been carrying for the past six years.

"Mr. Cullen, Isabella Swan was found two days ago and Chief Swan was found dead."

**=0=**

**Ok so we are moving on!**

**Next chapter you'll find out why Bella hasn't found Edward, what is taking him so long?**

**I'd love to know what you thought of this chapter, please review :D**

**Love, Mel**


	8. Chapter 8 Discovery

**I'm back! My excuses are not welcome I know… I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**SM owns everything Twilight and I don't…duh.**

O=o

**Chapter 8**

Dead, dead, dead…

Charlie… dead…

Bella, my Bella, my love…

Two days.

She was found two days ago.

I was drunk, hiding, sleeping, and moping like a child…

I… I need to know… what happened?

Charlie is dead.

Bella was found.

Is she ok?

Where is she?

Who is this man?

And someone please take me to my Bella!

"Take me to her." I say, my voice sounds robotic.

"Mr. Cullen, first I need to speak with you, mind sitting down?" the stranger says.

Good idea, because my legs are about to give up.

"First you need to know that Bella is safe, but I'm afraid she doesn't want any visitors at the moment. So far we haven't been able to get her to speak. It's like, she's missing her will to speak, to communicate, she is much altered, and the doctors are keeping an eye on her and trying to stabilize her."

This is surreal.

Am I dreaming?

This is too much.

Bella is safe, she's alive, my Bella. Oh how I miss her, how I love her. I never stopped loving her.

It all comes rushing to my head. She was taken right before my eyes; she was taken from my arms.

But now she's back, and I'm here and I need her… now.

My head is spinning, and I feel like I'm underwater… like the room is too small. My insides hurt, and its black, so black, now I can't feel anything, it all disappears and I'm gone.

O=o

**Next chapter will be Bella's POV.**

**So, I need a name for a character that will be a big part of this story, female, short cute name, ideas please?**

**Love your reviews ^^**


	9. Chapter 9 Remorse

**Chapter 9**

BPOV

I don't want to be found.

I want to be forgotten.

Edward doesn't deserve me, I can't be a part of his life anymore, and he can't see me.

For weeks I've been hiding, and by some miracle, he hasn't shown up, but I can't take my chances. A part of me wants to see him, I want to apologize, and I want to know that he is fine. But another part of me wants to forget and move on.

That's why I'm changing my name and moving away.

I told Gary, the lawyer who was assigned to my case that I want don't want to be exposed to the media, I don't want people to look for me. I'm fine; I'm safe now, so people should let me live my life. As hard as it is, I know I can handle myself.

Gary keeps an eye on me; he calls every day to make sure I'm fine. My dad left me some money in his bank account, enough to survive for a while, and I also have the house. I miss Charlie; I've missed him for so long. He didn't deserve such a life. I owe him mine. He saved me after all, he is a hero.

Seems everything is under control, as fucked up as my life is, I decide to start over and keep moving forward.

I'm about to finish my last Twinky when someone knocks on the door.

I'm frozen on the spot. _Stupid me! I should've never come here!_ I tell myself.

The door opens then and I want to scream, but just like I was trained so many years ago, I hold it in. I only let out a quiet sob, because I'm scared and because in that instant, my senses are assaulted with that familiar scent.

I look up and focus on the figure standing five feet away and I can't breathe.

Oh my God.

My love.

I love you so much.

You can't be here.

Please, leave, please, don't come back. Don't leave me…

I want to reach him and touch him, but I'm glued to the floor.

_Stupid filthy whore, little piece of shit!_ Alec's voice is in my head.

_You don't deserve me baby, don't come near me, don't touch me, I'm a filthy whore._

My head's spinning, I can't believe this, it's surreal!

He looks like a different person, yet, he is my Edward. The Edward that once belonged to me.

In a heartbeat, he is in front of me, and I can see the tears in his eyes, I can almost feel the rise and fall of his chest, his breathing is erratic, like he just run a marathon.

"Bella," his voice, sweet melodic voice, is deeper than I remembered, before I can take a step back, he is clinging to me, and I'm clinging to him, and we are crying, and I need more!

I want our bodies to melt together; my mind tells me this is wrong, so wrong! But my heart tells me this is right. I know this might be the last time I see him, I know we can't be together like we used to. I'm too damaged, I'm broken and nobody will ever be able to fix me, so I take advantage of this moment, because we are here and if this is a dream, I don't want to wake up.

I sob, tears run freely soaking his shoulder and neck, his hands are everywhere he can reach, my back, my arms, my hair, my face. We're on the floor, and he holds me with desperation. I hold him back, because I've craved his touch for so long.

"Edward," my voice cracks a little from the tears; he shushes me and whispers in my ear.

"Bella, my Bella, you're here," he says in a strangled voice.

Oh how I've missed him.

Minutes pass, and I'm still crying, small whimpers, little by little I catch my breath and I feel Edward beneath me, his hands rub small circles in my back and neck and he's staring at me. I can feel his eyes on me. When I look up, he's there, eyes full of emotion, I can see the happiness, I can see the pain, I can also see some remorse.

It's that remorse that makes me snap out of it.

I can't have him, I'm not who he thinks I am.

I am a filthy whore, a cock sucker, a prostitute slave; I lost all dignity many years ago. Men don't respect my body, I don't respect my body anymore and I won't allow Edward to become a part of my life.


End file.
